A Better Chance TV with host Dr. Monique S. Robinson
Educational Conversations with Scholars in Mind. "Our mission is to empower and uplift scholars pursuing higher education at HBCUs, ensuring they have the resources, support, and opportunities needed for a successful future. Through mentorship, scholarship programs, and community engagement, we strive to create a pathway to excellence, fostering academic achievement, leadership development, and a strong sense of cultural identity. Together, we are building a brighter future for young scholars, strengthening the legacy of HBCUs, and fueling positive change in our communities."
A Better Chance TV with host Dr. Monique S. Robinson
Fearless Parenting: The Emotional Rollercoaster of Sending Children to College
Dr. Tiffany Dent shares her experience as a parent navigating the college application process with her daughter Mia, addressing both the practical challenges and emotional journey while offering guidance on preparing students mentally for their transition to college life.
• Creating organizational systems like trackers to manage college applications and scholarships
• Balancing parental priorities during the intensive college preparation season
• Preparing students for independence through "enviable exposure" before leaving home
• Having candid conversations about dating, relationships, and consent in college environments
• Understanding the permanent consequences of digital content and technology use
• Teaching students to identify and access mental health resources on campus
• Recognizing the emotional journey parents experience as children transition to greater independence
• Supporting HBCU attendance and celebration of these institutions
Support A Better Chance for Youth by applying for the Takesha A Davis Scholarship, which is now live, or attending the upcoming South Texas HBCU Sneaker Ball.
Music, music, music, music, music, music, music, music, music, music, music, music, music, music, music, music, music, music, music, music, music, music, music, music. Welcome to a Better Chance for Youth television show with your host, monique Robinson, where we highlight, celebrate and recognize students from all over the country who are doing great things in the classroom, community and athletics. Every student deserves an opportunity, an opportunity for hope and a future. So let's celebrate our students, the next generation of teachers, engineers, entrepreneurs and future leaders. Join us on another incredible segment of A Better Chance for Youth show with your host, monique Robinson.
Speaker 2:Well, hello, hello. We have truly been on a journey this season. Last week we were amazed by our wonderful youth cook who made cookies and he's an entrepreneur. And we also have been blessed to have several amazing scholars. Actually, I'd like to give a shout out to Isis. She will be graduating soon from Spelman College and she is doing amazing things, college and she is doing amazing things. And today we coming from a parent aspect today, so from a parent aspect of the journey to college, but also because coming up is mental health month and, yes, I have a psychology degree, but I do not have all the answers in terms of that, I'm more so education background. But today we have an amazing guest. You know we never really stay in our backyard too long, but this wonderful guest is from Cleveland, ohio, I believe. Now don't be surprised if she resembles a previous guest. She is actually the parent of one of our wonderful, amazing scholars who will be graduating this year Mia, if you remember Mia's show from a couple of months ago, mia is the outstanding senior in high school who will be graduating that is, in the decision-making process, will be graduating, that is, in the decision-making process. So today I would like to welcome to A Better Chance for you.
Speaker 2:Television. Ms Tiffany Dent. Hello, how are you? I'm good. How are you? I am good, I'm good, I'm so glad. Look, I have on a shirt and I said I'm going to wear this shirt for the broadcast today. You usually don't get to see my shirt, but it says fearless, um. And the reason why I wore this shirt is because you are just one of those fearless, phenomenal parents that I love to interact with when it comes to talking about scholarships, talking about how to engage your scholar in the process, how to engage your scholar in the process of going to college. I know it's been a long journey since September, but you're like, oh God, yes, it's been before that, but I truly, truly love, I mean, and as busy as you are, thank you for taking time to come on today and talk to us about this journey. So how has it been?
Speaker 3:I think one of the words many parents, including myself, says is stressful, anxiety provoking, and I think there's also a level of sadness, because this is like preparing your child for the next step in their lives it's not going to as fully involve you.
Speaker 2:So it's something, it's a mixture. Oh, wow, you said it's. Well, why would you say that? Because it's not involving you? Is it like you're so used to being that crush that support system and now she has to, kind of like, make decisions for herself, even when you're there? But is that why you say that?
Speaker 3:I think part of it is is that we know that we call this next stage emerging adulthood, because they're not fully being forced to kind of make their own choices. But when they're in college it's less parental involvement. They're not with you every day, so you're not able to check on them to make sure, see their faces and make sure they're okay. I mean, you shouldn't like let's not helicopter parent, but you can't see them every moment of every day. They're having to make their own decisions on a daily basis, whether or not it's to get up and go to class, whether it's to go to this party, hang with this person. You don't have as much control.
Speaker 3:There's still this blanket of support because on college campuses there's still rules, right, there are still things put in place, especially on our HBCU campuses, which my shirt says. Hbcus are essential on HBCU campuses but there is this support system that recognizes that we have to give them space to make decisions. But we're still here to help them a little bit, but our hands are not on them as much, and that's that. Next piece is that you're leaving my house, right, You're leaving my roof and you're going to and just hoping that we prepared you for this next step of your journey. So, wow.
Speaker 2:Well, as a HBCU advocate, hbcu consultant that I am, I you know and I'm not saying this because you hear, I think you pretty much know I'm a sharpshooter with stuff I admire the way that you hold your daughter accountable, like you're like look, you need to, this is your tracker, you need to get this Now. How would you say that that has helped you with this process?
Speaker 3:I think it's kept us both on track, because this process is overwhelming. Trying to keep track of universities that you've been accepted to, what they're offering you, trying to make sure that you're meeting scholarship deadlines and doing all the pieces of those scholarships can be a lot. And so I think, with the tracker, when we've been able to say, here's new ones that we need to look into, here's ones that we're waiting on somebody else to do something, like a teacher, here's something, mia, that you have to do the essay for, this one's done and just to kind of see the color change because we did a color system being able to say, okay, this one's now done, and then green is the one we're looking for, which is that this one has actually been awarded to you to kind of see this process and constantly we're each checking that tracker just to make sure that we stay on top of it, with all the things that happen in senior year and as a parent, all the things that are required of me to continue to do on top of this, this new task.
Speaker 2:Wow and um. I know it's a really hard task. I do know that, but even with the profession that you have because I'm like gosh, don't sleep on her. This is Dr Dent. This is not just somebody that just stays at home and this is what she can do, that just stays at home and this is what she can do. You have a very tight schedule. I think I joke with you, but you say the same joke back to me like when do you sleep? How are you able to balance your family, your job, your getting Mia on these tours? I mean, that gave me so much life to see pictures of you owning it and taking your child on college tours. It's like, if they're not going to do it for the school, I'm going to do it myself. And I think I shared some of those pictures. Like she was my child. I'm like, look, this is what parents are doing spring break. So how do you balance that?
Speaker 3:I think the thing is is that balances the meaning of balances had to change and how I've defined that, because there are some things that are taking a less of a priority in these months of scholarship.
Speaker 3:So one of them is there is not vacation, was not family vacation, it was college visitation that instead of maybe watching TV and staying up to date on those things which have been relaxing for me it's I'm now on a computer working with her on scholarships, and I just think this, understanding that over the past several months we don't have a balance anymore College applications, college scholarships have taken a priority, and some of the things that I am used to doing I either had to give up sleep or I had to say these things now have to wait.
Speaker 3:Part of that was wanting my child to understand that, no matter what all of these things that are on my plate, being your parent and helping you to get where you want to be takes priority. So these other activities that I normally would do, I've stepped off of committees because you know I have to focus on my child and being able to make sure that she has everything she needs to be successful in her next step, and so I'm excited about that, because then it's like, oh, I get to go back to doing some stuff for myself. But I think how I define balance has had to change and she's become more of a priority over these last several several months.
Speaker 2:I see, I see and it is truly like it. Just it makes me feel like overexcited. I've been doing this as a nonprofit, honestly, for four years. But since I've been in education in 2000, I have owned because I don't like, I mean, and I think even all I've ever been at they know that when it comes to kids and their futures, I'm very sensitive and a lot of schools they recommend community colleges for people that look like you and I and, honestly, being really transparent, they recommended that for me and my parents are. You know, they're Wilberforce grads and they don't play that, they're like no, that's not where we're going to hear.
Speaker 2:So I get extremely excited when I have parents that are acting for their scholars that they're holding us accountable, because I don't know if I have shared with you this year in my life I had six scholars not accepted into their colleges of choice, mainly because the schools didn't send their information. So yeah, I told you I get in good trouble, I mean, can't help it. But thank you for sharing your parental journey with us after our commercial break. I know time flies, guys. Dr Dent, I've told you she's a boss, the whole family is a boss, but I'll explain that when we come back. But we do have to take a short commercial break and when we come back we'll go into the next phase of our conversation, where we'll deal with mental health. I told you I have a psychology degree, but I am not a Dr Dent. So right after this commercial break we will definitely touch that subject.
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Speaker 2:Welcome back, welcome back. So, dr Nett, I know you like she keeps giving me all these accolades, but I mean just saying your name is out here, as you know, wonderful in this field and I give credit where credit is due. One of the questions is just burning inside of me is, as scholars are going into a new space and you mentioned that's something that you are worried about with your own child, how do you prepare them mental health wise, because some people it's overwhelming if you have a, a stress, not a strict parent. Let me say it that way if you have a strict parent and you go to campus and you're like, look, I got all this freedom, it can be you like, yes, so what are, like, what are some good tips that you can give us on that?
Speaker 3:I think one of the first things is we talk about in psychology this idea of exposure, actual, we call it enviable exposure, which is kind of just lived experience. So one of the goals that I always tell parents is that, as your child is coming into this senior year, offering them the opportunity for more freedom to make more decisions, because if they mess up, you're right there to process it with them. I know you know, even when it comes to things like curfew and who they're associating with other decisions that they're making, making them make more decisions. So when they're in a situation they've had that experience and this isn't the first time that they've had to make a decision about when they get up, when they're doing their homework. But they're being tasked with this is now your responsibility. I'm here to support you and process it, but I'm not going to tell you it's time for you to eat, it's time for you to do your laundry, it's time for you to study, because when you go to college you're going to have to do those things on your own.
Speaker 3:I think having honest conversations about this transition with your children fears that they may have where their worries are and just kind of processing that in the beginning. If they're worried about how they make friends, then we have this conversation about what are the options and ways that you can do that. How do you navigate dating in this situation? How do you deal with even the fact that everybody's not at college just like in real life therefore the right reason and how do you use your discernment to deal with those situations, understanding and working with them on? How will you manage a mistake, because you may make it In your conversations, also trying to be calm and as nonjudgmental as possible, because you also want to open the door for your child to come back to you and have the conversation when they're worried that they have made a mistake, without the fear of a major consequence or reprisal, that when they get to school they don't feel like they can have that conversation with you, also being able to identify with them. Where are the people and the places you can go at your college campus to get assistance, whether it's academic assistance or whether it is mental health assistance, because you want them to know those resources are there and available and how.
Speaker 3:What is that marker for you that you need to seek those services? It's not waiting until you get an F right. It's when you're starting to realize you're struggling and that it's normal and acceptable for you to utilize those resources. So you want to have those conversations now and I firmly believe and I'm one of those parents at this point when you're asking me what is your curfew? You don't have one.
Speaker 3:But let's look and make a good decision about when you're coming and going. Let's look up what the city says. You have to return right. But other than that, you need to be able to make those decisions About what makes sense to you. If you're going out on a Thursday night, you have school tomorrow. What time do you need to be back? Because you know you still have to make the decision to make that happen and we kind of started that at the beginning of this year, because I'm not going to be able to make those decisions for you and we don't want to put our children in a position where they've never had to make a decision on their own and now they're suddenly in a space where they're making decisions every day.
Speaker 2:But I do remember that was my first time experiencing at Wilberforce no curfew, whereas across the street they had to be in by 12. And I'm like people, we're a church school, we should be so that was a huge adjustment and that was great that you touched on that in your explanation. You also touched on something that I was like yeah, that's true, you're experiencing all these emotions, but I'm glad that you're transparent enough and you have named it for our viewers and parents that are watching that you have to role play and kind of let them bump their head Like what would you? And you also named relationships, which I thought was really really important as well. What would you tell a parent that maybe did not let their daughter date too much or son date too much, and they get to campus and it's a plethora of opportunities to do that.
Speaker 3:You know, and especially when you know for those parents who are sending their kids to HBCUs where it's like oh it's, the melanin is overwhelming. And you know.
Speaker 3:I think part of it is it's a combination of having, again, always honest conversations with your children. You talk about what do you want in a relationship? That also dating does not necessarily always mean levels of intimacy right, and that you have the ability to talk to various people before you decide if you want to be with someone. What are you looking for in a relationship? I think we also have to prepare our girls and our boys and our non-binary children, like we often talk, to have conversations with our daughters, but not with our sons, about consent and that you have the ability to always decide when something isn't comfortable or working for you and that every person who is coming for you is not necessarily coming because they want to be with you. And how. What are the signs and what are the things that you need to know to make sure that you can do the most that you can to not be victimized, because we know victimization is not on the person who does it. Who's actually victimized. It's on the person who makes those poor choices and puts their needs and wants above the other person. But what are the things that in dating situations that the person is not manipulating you and really doesn't want to be with you and you think that they do, and so having those conversations and in this day and age, we also have to have the conversations about technology and not filming you and, you know, being very transparent in that because there have been people and I've had this experience with working with college students where you were in this serious dating relationship and you sent images to the person that you're with and you break up and then they post it all over the place, so having those very about their child having any type of intimate relationships.
Speaker 3:But we also have to think about our own experiences and stop lying to ourselves about our own.
Speaker 3:You know, we want our children to be better than us and to not make the mistakes that we made, and part of that is acknowledging them. We don't have to sit here and say, girl, when I did it, but we have to take some of that knowledge and say, you know, when you come on campus as a freshman, there's a lot of upperclassmen who are going to be coming for you and sometimes it's a contest and you don't want to be a part of that contest, right? It's okay to talk to people and not have intimate relationships with people. It's okay for you to choose not to date someone if you don't want to, but what do you look for in that? And so we want to have the conversations we wish somebody would have had with us. Yes, and then we also want to make sure that they're aware if there's on campus places where they because especially some of the larger campuses do have offices where they have these conversations about sexual health and dating relationships, and we want to make sure that they utilize those resources as well.
Speaker 2:What are your thoughts about that?
Speaker 3:What are your thoughts about that?
Speaker 3:I think the irony is that our generation did this moral high ground with this current generation about watch what you do on social media and don't put your business out there.
Speaker 3:Because we didn't realize that VHS could be forever, we didn't realize that Polaroids could still exist, and so I think we are. We are those chickens are coming home to roost for some of us. But I think that is a conversation around technology and responsible technology that fortunately for this generation, because they've existed, they've never existed without tech. So part of it is having this transparent conversation with your children, especially as they're going away to college. Right that people can be taping you when you don't know you're being taped and so just always looking at it as the decisions and the behaviors in which you engage are going to be out there, and also acknowledging that piece for them that there is a reinforcement in the use of tech. We know that you get more likes. You get more comments A lot of times when you are doing things that don't vote well for your future career goals those are the ones that people respond to and share right.
Speaker 3:And so part of it is acknowledging that piece of it and saying you know it's hard to get people to look far into the future. It's I'm living in the moment because that's part of your brain development, that's where you are developmentally to be able to say is this something, if you're trying to run for Senator later, that you really want out there? I'm really not thinking about that. And so part of it is that constant, you know reminding that you don't know when you're being taped. So being clear on you know the behaviors in which you're engaged, also the piece for them of when you are having things going on in your life screenshots also are forever. So you know taking a moment and stepping back, which is also hard because of just developmentally where they are.
Speaker 3:It's hard for some of us who are developmentally past that to not just go on a rant and post it all over social media, but to take a step back and say is this something that I need to think about?
Speaker 3:Is this something that I need to kind of phone a friend about? And then I also tell adolescents and emerging adults don't ever send something to someone, because they can always keep it, even when you no longer want them to have it. And although we want to believe our relationships, friendships, dating relationships are forever, some of them are not, and so I always say is there somebody you used to hang with in eighth grade that you don't talk to much anymore? There may be somebody in college that you don't end up talking to anymore or dating anymore. Do you really want them to have those images, those pictures of you? And they're there.
Speaker 3:So you know, for my generation of freaknik, I never went. I do know people who did go and who had good and bad experiences, and I just think it is one of those life lessons for us that we hopefully now have a little bit more empathy and compassion and understanding for our children and how we approach them, because our stuff is now showing up and so we cannot act like we did not make decisions that we didn't want to be lasting forever, and so now we have the chance to have those conversations, as uncomfortable as they may be, with our own children.
Speaker 2:Right and I always say I'm glad we didn't have camera phones, but now it's like wait a minute, we had VHS, we played the tape getting those Polaroids.
Speaker 3:People flipped them and put them in their little and we did the cardboard boxes. So people are going through those and now they're taking pictures of those images and now they are forever.
Speaker 2:Oh Lord. Well, we do have to go to a commercial break and when we come back, this next segment I'm telling you Dr Den is a boss. She has a book or a journal. I might be saying it wrong, but she has really good information that I want her to share with you from that when we come back from our commercial break. I have truly enjoyed this segment today. She's taking Ms Mo to school. I'm sitting here like wow, that's true. I never said that.
Speaker 1:So after this commercial break, she's going to share some more of her wealth of knowledge with us and help them on their journey to the bright future they deserve. Catch a better chance for Youth Television Show with host Monique Robinson on the Daily Gospel Network.
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Speaker 2:Decision day. They're like, how do you sit so calm, like I have like 30 kids. I'm waiting on them to say, hey, this is where I committed to. But, um, it's always an exciting time, uh, once the graduation is over, the commitment is signed and then you get a slew of scholarships and then you get your sleep back. So this has been a wonderful day to day sitting down with Dr Dent, who we are grateful that she gave us her time and she was really transparent with us, which I love, and gave us some good mental health tips. So thank you for watching and please go to her site that book, send an email, request the book. It is really, really helpful, even for us adults, uh, that have experienced colleges. Some things that you know cause us to reflect and look back like, hey, I could have did that different. So it's been real. Uh, we will see you next week. If you haven't already purchased your ticket for the South Texas HBCU sneaker ball, hey, we got Anthony coming down.
Speaker 2:I know I'm scared of Texas that weekend. It's going to be a good weekend, but y'all know I don't go out. I'm usually in bed by 10, but that weekend I probably had to take it for the team. But we look forward to you coming, we look forward to you supporting and also the application for the Takesha A Davis Scholarship is live and I don't judge, but I can provide support to anyone who needs it. So thank you. Thank you again, dr Dent, for giving us your time today and we will see you next week. Don't know who we'll interview, but we will see.
Speaker 1:Thanks for watching A Better Chance for Youth television show with your host, monique Robinson, the television show where we highlight incredible students in their quest to change the world. Join us each and every week as we uplift our youth and help them on their journey to the bright future they deserve. So until next time, god bless from your friends. On a better chance for Youth Television Show with your host, monique Robinson. You.
