Brotherhood Is Not Optional Because Healing Happens In Community

We map the moments when the road gets heavy and the answer is not more toughness, but more brotherhood. We break down a simple way to build real support through mentors, peers, and the people we pour into, then challenge ourselves to connect on purpose. 
• redefining brotherhood as accountability and vulnerability 
• why healing happens in community not isolation 
• the Paul Barnabas Timothy model for mentorship and growth 
• lessons from my father and mentors that shaped my life and health 
• the role of peers who check you and stay close in hard seasons 
• pouring into the next generation and letting roles evolve 
• the loneliness crisis for men and what it costs families 
• three words to live by: connect reflect support 
If you don't just want to be part of the moment and you want to be part of the movement, join me later on today. I'll be doing a breakout session in one of the sessions in one of the rooms around 11:30.

Transcript

The Road Gets Heavy

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Picture this with me. You're standing at the starting line, right? Of a long winding journey. The road ahead is unfamiliar. Yeah. It's with this twist and turns. You can't see it yet. And when you go to lace up your shoes, you take a deep breath and you start walking. At first, you feel it's manageable. Okay, this is doable. I can make this. You tell yourself, I got this. Step by step, you push forward, but then all of a sudden, fatigue sets in. Doubt creeps in. Each stride feels heavier than the last. And just when you're ready to stop, you hear it. You hear footsteps, not your own, but somebody else's. That somebody else, a mentor, offering wisdom and guidance for the battles you have yet to fight. Appear, matching your pace and your energy, pushing you to keep going. A young brother looking up to you, reminding you that your journey is bigger than yourself. Now listen, sometimes those footsteps aren't always gentle. Sometimes you get a brother that shows up huffing and puffing, saying, Bruh, I almost didn't make it out here, but I came anyway because it's you. And that's when you realize that's half the battle, just showing up. And it hits you. I always tell my young people when I'm talking to them, I used to get in trouble for talking too much. Now I get paid to talk. So I turn my passion into my purpose and my purpose into my paycheck. Now somebody's gonna get that by midnight. Now let me talk about redefining brotherhood while we're here today. The power of brotherhood. The word often men are told that we should go through this all alone by ourselves. We can manage it, tough it out, carry the weight in silence, but to be real, and the real strength of it all, the real healing doesn't happen in isolation, it happens in community. Now you heard some brothers talk about community earlier. Brotherhood isn't just about friendship, it's about accountability, it's about vulnerability, it's about showing up when it matters the most. Now, through these shared experiences and stories, these sacred bonds, there that's what we have. This iron sharpens iron. We discover what's possible when men stop competing against each other and we start connecting with one another. Now, I believe there are three types of men that you should have, or three types of relationships you should have in your life. One, you need to have a Paul, a mentor, someone who's gonna pour wisdom into you, a Barnabas, your colleague, a peer who's gonna walk right beside you, and then a Timothy, somebody who you can pour into. Now, let me give you a little context. Now, for those who, because I got my good pastor over here, for those Bible scholars, and then for, you know, this is not to make up for you missing church on tomorrow. But if you miss Bible study on Wednesday, Pastor, I got you. I'm gonna help you out a little bit. Paul is a seasoned leader and a mentor and a teacher who guided others on their journey. His wisdom shaped an entire community. Now that's the kind of wisdom and mentor that we need in our lives. Someone who sees further than we do and calls us higher. The next kind of person, Barnabas. On the other hand, known as the son of encouragement. Uh-huh. He walked beside Paul as a partner and as a peer, uh, a friend in the work, so to speak. Okay. He was a reminder that none of us can go through this alone. We can't do it by ourselves. We need those brothers in the trenches who understand us, who challenges us, who celebrates us. And then we need a Timothy. He was a young man Paul mentored and encouraged and raised us as a leader. Now, there's that's our responsibility as men in the room to pour into someone coming after us to lift the next generation so they can go further than where we did. Now, when I look at my own life, there are times when I was growing up, both personally and professionally, I realized that I could not stand here today without having these three types of relationships in my life. Now, let me show you my own Paul's, my own Barnabas, and my own Timothy's who are in my life. My Paul. Now, this is to my my gone to slides. I'm on, I didn't. Yeah, you can keep going. Next one. Next one. Next one. There we go. My Paul. My daddy. My father. Sumler Harris. Now we had our growing pains. It wasn't always easy. It wasn't, because I was the other child. I was that, you know, wherever Papa was a rolling stone. Yeah, I was that other child. But nonetheless, I still learned some things from him and the growing pains. And then he taught me perseverance and resilience and integrity. And he he saw something in me that I didn't even see in myself. I remember one of the greatest lessons my father told me, besides the fact when he told me, I need you to live out, live your life with no regrets. He said, son, if you can't dazzle him with your brilliance, I need you to baffle him with your BS. If you can't dazzle them with your brilliance, baffle them with your BS. I said, hmm. Now what I heard him say was, stay ready. You may never know when you may be called to do something great. And that something might even save somebody's life. And it might even be your own. My daddy told me one day, listen, do you want your son to take care of you like you taking care of us? Because I was the caregiver of my mother and my father. And I said, no. He said, if that's the case, I need to get your life right. I stand before you now. If you had known me, if you knew me then, you would have known that I used to be 450 pounds. And I was headed down that same path of health disparities like my parents were. But I had to he, that was the that was the light bulb for me. He said, I need you to do something about that. I'm a whole lot better than what I was. I can stand here now and say I'm 160 pounds from 450. Man. So I had to save my life first. All right, and I think about somebody else. You can go to the next slide. Think about some other men. So I think about my pastor, my former pastor, the late Reverend George Cooper Brown, who was my faith mentor, right? Um, I think about my professor in college, Dr. Johnson Ackinlay, you know, who was my professor, Bethune Cookman, who went on to be the president of a North Carolina Central University, who provided me, you know, gave me that leadership opportunity when I was in school. Now, these polls helped me see further. They saw something in me that I didn't see in myself. Now, my Barnabas. You also need your peers, right? You need your friends. Those ones who are gonna walk with you side by side. I mean, I had friends like my friend Brian, who had Mrs. Kindergarten, who was there always pushing me. You know, I had I had my my fraternity brother Robert in college, who used to encourage me and open my eyes to new perspectives. Then I had my other fraternity brother Clifford, who we we we kind of lived our lives in the 20s and 30s together, had our children together, you know, we know we got married around the same time, we got a divorce around the same time. You know, so we went through it all. Then I had my other fraternity brothers and large brothers, you know, who was always there to check me, to let me know when I'm right and celebrate and when I was wrong, they were right there with me. Listen, we all need a barnabus in our lives, someone who gets it, someone who's in the trenches with us, someone who will say, We listen and we don't judge. Or someone that says, Bruh, I told you not to mess with her in the first place, but I got your back. But let's be real. Your bonabus is usually that guy who calls you out the blue and says, What's wrong? Before you even said a word. He already knows just to call you and just check in on you. Because he just knows. Now, my Timothy's. This is my man child right here. This is my one and only. This is my heartbeat. This is my predecessor right here. This is my 28-year-old who lives in New York City, who every so often I still get a text message and says, Hey dad. And when I get that text message, I know it's gonna cost me something. Yet he reminds me daily, it's not just because he's a professional artist. Um, not because he won awards here locally at Cleveland State in the Caribou House and went to Yale on a full ride. You know, but he always has to remind me, Dad, I need you to still remember that you gotta support the arts. So I'm your local art fun. Okay, yes, I got you. But he reminds me daily that I love our conversations about life, about health, about about our just our future, and how we're gonna take care of things, and how I can share even my own things. Now, like nah, my son has access to my match art. So I need to make sure he knows everything about me. Because I don't want any problems. And one day I hope to be able to pass it on. With everything I've learned, I can pass it on to him. Like I said, and as long as he stays curious about the world, his possibilities are endless. Another Timothy in my life, I just talked to this brother this morning. Um he lives in Bahrain now with his son and his wife, uh, Brother Odell. He him and I started off. Um he was an aspiring administrator in CMSD, and I and I was one of his mentor, teachers, and advisors. Um, and when I first met him, he was just getting started. He was eager, he was hungry to learn. And over time, our relationship shifted. He went from being a Timothy to now he's a Barnabas in my life. He's a peer. We talk almost daily. The time difference is a challenge because you know he called me at seven o'clock in the morning, like, bro, I'm still sleep. He's like, it's the middle of the day for me. I understand. But I love the fact that the power of brotherhood we we are able to pour into others, and one day we can stand by each other. So, but here's the thing there's a crisis going on, and that is not just an emotional issue. The crisis talks about the fact that here's the reality there was a survey about an organization called Movember Foundation, which is a global men's health charity, and they said that they found that nearly one in three men say they have no close friends to confide in. Think about this. Just to the men in the room, there are some brothers carrying battles, issues, concerns, depression, loneliness, despair, and they have nobody to talk to. Nobody to walk beside them. And I know what some of you all may be thinking, you know, that's not me. That couldn't be me. I got plenty of friends. But if I if I ask your plenty of friends, would you be in their top five? Are they on the are they on, are you on they speed dial? And it's not just an emotional issue, it's a health issue, it's a legacy issue. When men disconnect, entire families and communities feel the weight. I was so excited when we did the annual 20th uh anniversary Father's Walk a couple weeks ago here in the county, led by the Cahor Fatherhood Initiative. In CMSD, we had about nearly every we got about 100 schools, about 98 of our schools participated in Father's Walk, and we celebrated all of these men, father figures, who are engaged, who are connected, who want to be involved, who want to say, I'm either gonna stand in the gap and be there so we can break the chains of despair and let our children know I'm here for you. That's why brotherhood isn't optional, it's life-giving. So here's my call to action. What do you so how do we live our life with no regrets? Brothers, if you remember nothing else that I've said today, remember these three words connect, reflect, and support. Even for those who are in the room right now, come on and say that with me. Connect, reflect, and support. Now, this has been my challenge to myself and to others in what I call inspire me moments. Oh, go figure, how about that? And Sam just is it. I wrote a book, it dropped Father's Day weekend, and I talk all about the journey and the process, finding those everyday moments and opportunities to choose connection, courage, and purpose. So connect. How can you reach somebody today? Who can you call right now? Who can you text right now? Who can you reach out to right now? That connection starts with you. You can't wait for somebody else to do it. It's your responsibility. Reflect, ask yourself who is my Paul? Who is my Barnabas? Who is my Timothy? Am I showing up for them in the way I should? If not today, when lastly, support. Look around. Who needs to listen, encourage, or show up? Brotherhood isn't just about what you gain, it's about what you give. Are you ready to stand and give it your all? Now let's go back. Now, earlier, again when I started, we talked about that opening image, being on the open road, tired, uncertain, about to get throwing the towel. But you hear those footsteps, right? And you realize you are not alone. Proverbs 27, 17. As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. Brothers, success is not a solo journey, it's one we take together, and that is what we can start doing today. Now, this summit today is more than just keynotes and breakout sessions or health screenings, and it's about sharpening one another. It's about the mind, the body, and the spirit. So here's my challenge: don't let today be about just taking notes and collecting handouts. Lean in, ask questions, exchange numbers, take advantage of every resource in the room because the true power of the summit and the true power of brotherhood is not what happens in the sessions. It's what we choose to carry out when we leave this place, when we get back to our families, when we talk in our communities, and we plan for our future. So let's commit today, like right now, to live healthier, fuller lives. Let's commit to brotherhood. Let's commit to leaving here sharper than we arrived. And as you go through the day, I hope you will create your own inspire me moments because what we do today can echo for a lifetime. Now, listen, that is the true power of brotherhood, and that's the opportunity of today. So, brothers and sisters, thank you. I thank you for walking with me in this journey this morning. Remember that the power of brotherhood is about the opportunity of today. Now, if you don't just want to be part of the moment and you want to be part of the movement, join me later on today. I'll be doing a breakout session in one of the sessions in one of the rooms around 11:30. We can continue the conversation. You know, we'll be leading an inspired conversation on lunch and learn. So you grab your lunch and come on and just have a conversation with us. Let's break bread, share some stories, uh, build something special while we're saving lives. And throughout the day, if you're able to stop by the table, you know, come pick up the book, take a photo, say hello. Let's keep sharpening each other because when we begin in this room, can echo what we do beyond today. Thank you.